1. Be a student in the Lower Merion school district. Get your school-issued laptop. Take it home.
2. Find a photo of a guy in a hot tub with two hookers.
3. Photoshop your school principal's head over either the guy's head, or one of the hookers' (depending on gender). School vice-principal is also a good option.
3. Print the photo out and set it up in front of the laptop.
4. Call the school up and report your laptop stolen.